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tokana's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Non Questions We received our reviews last week. Mine was really good – especially considering my last three have left me steaming. My boss was incredibly positive and supportive – he had nothing but good things to say about my performance this past year. I walked out of that room feeling very good. Granted, he still hasn’t given me any numbers for my bonus or the merit increase I’ve earned, but I’m confident they will be satisfactory. That was last week. This week I get informed by our HR person that some employees have complained about my “brusqueness”. I of course was shocked and asked if examples could be provided so I could understand where this was coming from. I cannot believe what they came up with… When greeted with “Hi, how are you” I typically respond with a light, “good *insert time of day*”, “hello *insert name*” or sometimes even just “hi there”. I rarely respond with an answer to the non-question. I do this because it’s not a genuine question, it’s more of a statement, the default thing one says when passing a co-worker. I also rarely use the non-question. Typically, when I ask someone how they are we are sitting in a cozy environment, I’m looking straight in their eyes and I expect a genuine answer. The people I work with don’t care about my answer. I can just see it now…
CoWorker: Hi Sara, how are you (as they pass in the hall) That would definitely be interesting. When people ask that ‘non-question’ they expect the standard false answers of “good” or “great” or “alright” and then a return of the question to them – to which the answer the same. If the answer is predetermined – why ask the question? This is why I have never participated in the meaningless ritual of ‘how are you’ in the office. Evidentially this choice makes one “brusque”, “unfriendly”, “rude” and “unapproachable”. What about genuine, sincere, honest and open…don’t those count for anything? So now it’s been suggested that I try to be “polite” and participate in these conversations. My reaction: I will make an effort to be even friendlier and more approachable than typical, but I will not do this by spurting out ritualistic and expected response. We’ll see. The whole thing is so petty, are these people’s feelings so fragile that if I fail to answer a question they assume I’m not friendly? *sigh* - sorry to rant – I’m done now. I'll go back to glowing about my good review. 5:08 p.m. - January 19, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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