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tokana's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Connection I want to really connect with other people. I think that a lot of people go through life on ‘auto-pilot’ and do the things they think they’re supposed to do and never really take the time to consider the value and caliber of those things. I don’t want to go to trendy clubs and spend too much money on drinks just to stand around and ‘like, oh my god’ talk about the ‘new pink’. I would much rather sit around someone’s house or a wine bar and talk. About anything as long as it’s something – as long as we’re connecting. I think a lot of this train of thought stemmed from a recent viewing of Waking Life - that combined with C being gone. I now have more time alone with my thoughts and it’s now glaringly apparent that I don’t have many regular influences in my life, people that I connect with. There’s a scene in Waking Life that goes like this (excerpt stolen from Megan ): *Two people bump into each other and mutter sorry. The girl pauses and says...* Yohan (there’s your secret name), Megan and Frankie sort of challenged each other to do something like that this past week. Stop someone after an ‘autopilot’ or ‘ant’ moment and use the phrase ‘I don’t want to be an ant’. So far none has. Why? I read over this site and I see that it is really just a documentation of my life. There aren’t really any deep thoughts or eloquent social commentaries posted here. It’s not because I don’t have those thoughts or opinions, it’s because I don’t want to use an impersonal website to display and discuss them. I want real moments, real connection. I would rather express my thoughts and social standards to people around me and hopefully have that spawn other conversations etc. That would be find if that really happened. If I were constantly having deep, connecting conversations with those around me I would be very content. But I don’t. I’m not saying all conversations, all moments, all of life has to be deep and meaningful – I want light and funny moments too – but even those should be real and not just polite moments. You know? It’s saddens me that the only people I seem to have real conversations with are either family or people that are in and out of my life. Another reason I tend not to post ‘deep’ thoughts such as these is because they rarely come out right. I’m not nearly as articulate and eloquent as Yohan. Things always seem to be misinterpreted when they end up on here… *sigh* Yohan and Megan want to start a group called ANTi. The group would regularly get together and watch movies and analyze and discuss them – at least that would be the official ‘focus’ – but in reality it would be a group of people who shared the ‘I don’t want to be an ant’ mentality. Surprisingly it’s coming together well. We actually met a guy tonight at a wine bar that I think would have been a lot of fun to invite. But how do you do that? I know we just met, but we’re hosting a sort of movie night tomorrow that we think you would enjoy. Even though you’re a complete stranger, would you like to come to our home? Once you connect with someone then what? See, I’m rambling. This is why I tend not to post these types of thoughts here…. Anyone interested in borrowing Waking Life, I own it. If you’d like to join ANTi, stranger or not – you’re welcome to come. 1:04 a.m. - May 12, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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