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tokana's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sociallectual Anxiety A few weeks ago a new semester started at VCC. Only the second one since the fall of 1999 that I was not enrolled in. That’s right, up until this summer I was a student there, every semester for four years. Now that I’m done you would think I’d feel free, or a huge sense of accomplishment. Do a degree I do. But mostly - I miss school. Yes, I know, many people think this is a completely insane comment. But I do. Now, I don’t have Van Wilder issues – VCC doesn’t really have the typical college vibe – it has more of a ‘big-kid-high-school’ vibe most of the time actually. So I don’t miss the whole “college thing” – I miss the actual classes. I miss being challenged and introduced to new ideas. My last few semesters at VCC I was done with all of the requirements and able to take classes that I was really interested in; so many times I would find myself, after class, researching things that had been discussed or covered. Those topics would lead me to other topics etc. until I realized I had been exploring and learning and stretching my brain for hours. I also miss the social aspect of school. Even if you form no real connections in a class, you’re still there, interacting with them regularly; and every semester you have the opportunity to interact with an entirely new group of strangers. All of which I find interesting. Now that I’m done with school I miss all of this. The crazy part? It has only been 6 months since I finished. I had planned on being enrolled in the University of Cincinnati to work towards by B.A. in Psychology this semester. But fate had other ideas and thanks to a canceled scholarship and my devotion to C, plans have changed and I will likely not enroll for my B.A. for another year. When first realized this, I figured I would focus on work and be fine, but I’m not. I feel socially isolated. I see the same people every day at work – none of which I connect with enough to consider a friend and outside of that, I participate in no activities that allow me to regularly meet others. I also feel like my brain is turning to goo. My job is busy and requires multi-tasking and time-management, but there are very few challenges. My solution – enroll in VCC again and take classes even though they won’t count toward a degree. Just for fun. Is it pathetic that I can’t find ways to meet new people and expand my social circle without school? Is it sad that I am not able to consistently stretch myself and continue the learning process without the push, guidance and structure school provides? I don’t know, but I think it might be. That conclusion reached, I should take it as a challenge to find ways to accomplish social and intellectual expansion without the aid of school. The intellectual part I can handle. I’m reading several psychology books which are spawning interesting conversations and research for me. I’m also reading a book with C about interaction and communication between genders (sounds cheesy, but it isn’t relationship based, more scientific). While I don’t find this form of self-directed learning quite as satisfying as a class where someone with more knowledge on the topic directs my learning etc.; but it will do until I can go back for my B.A. The social area is where I have always and continue to be stumped. Where do people in their early 20’s go in O-town to meet others? Clubs, bars, “downtown” and church. None of which interest me. Where would I go, or what could I participate in to meet others? I’ve really put some thought into this and I’m stumped. Any suggestions? If I can’t find a solution by April I’m going to cave and enroll in some summer classes at VCC so any ideas are welcome. You can leave comments or e-mail me.
11:22 a.m. - January 21, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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